Autistic Meltdowns, Shutdowns and Burnout

Susan is a member of Autism Speaks’ Autism Response Team (ART), a specialized information and referral team providing information and resources to the autism community and beyond. Susan has developed and written curricula and articles about important issues related to transition and life skills; healthcare; and relationships and sexuality within the young adult and adult autism communities. She has a special interest in mental health-related issues faced by autistic people, and sharing information to increase understanding, acceptance and effective care in this area.

You might have heard the term “meltdown” or “autistic meltdown.” But there are two other important things that can happen too: autistic shutdown and autistic burnout.

When someone you care about is having a meltdown, a shutdown or burnout, it can be hard to know what caused it or how to help. You might feel unsure or helpless.

Many people confuse these experiences with other things. For example:

• A meltdown is not the same as a tantrum.
• A shutdown is not someone being stubborn or ignoring you.
• Burnout is not the same as depression.

It’s important to know the difference, because the reasons these things happen — and the ways to help — are not the same.

Meltdowns, shutdowns and burnout are all connected. Sometimes, after a few meltdowns (or one really big one), a person might have a shutdown, where they stop talking, moving or reacting for a while. If shutdowns keep happening or last a long time, it can lead to burnout, which is when someone feels completely exhausted and can’t handle any more stress.

The information you’re about to read comes from professionals in the field and from autistic people themselves, who have shared their real experiences. Listening to them helps everyone understand what’s really going on — and helps us respond with kindness, patience and support.

Autistic Meltdowns

Your child may have experienced an autistic meltdown. These may look like a tantrum, with crying, trying to escape the situation and even aggressive behaviors and self-harm. It’s important to know that a meltdown is not the same as a tantrum, and it’s not a form of manipulation. Rather, meltdowns are an automatic response to an overwhelming situation like sensory overload, high social communication demands or unpredictable changes in routine. Those who are having a meltdown temporarily lose control of their behavior.

Helping autistic kids during meltdowns is important. A meltdown happens when feelings get too big to handle and the demands of the situation exceed a child’s ability to cope. When this happens, kids need extra support. The best thing you can do is stay patient and kind. Meltdowns usually need time to pass, but during a meltdown, you can help your child by:

• Staying calm and showing support.
• Making the area safe by moving away from what caused the meltdown.
• Giving your child space while letting them know you are there for them.

This article offers helpful tips: 10 things that helped me during meltdowns as an autistic child.

Autistic people report that they can feel a meltdown coming and that it may be prevented by intervening when symptoms first appear. Meltdowns are exhausting. After the meltdown is over, there are a few helpful things you can do:

• Stay calm and keep your tone gentle.
• Give your child time to rest and recover.
• Offer comfort, like a hug or a weighted item, if your child wants it.
• Help your child find a calming activity, including stimming and preferred items.
• Talk about what happened only after your child is ready.

Autistic Shutdown

Sometimes, your child may withdraw and stop talking. They might speak less than usual or not at all. They may lose interest in their favorite things and want to be alone. This can happen after a hard time with many meltdowns, big emotions or too much noise and activity. When this happens, your child might be having an autistic shutdown.

A shutdown is not your child being rude or trying to avoid you. It’s their body’s way of protecting itself. Shutdowns can happen when someone feels too much stress or pain, or has too many things to process at once. During a shutdown, their brain is trying to rest and recover before things get even harder.

It can be hard to tell when someone is having a shutdown because it happens inside their body and mind. Unlike meltdowns, which you can see or hear, shutdowns may be quiet. Both meltdowns and shutdowns can happen to autistic people of any age.

Supporting someone who is shut down can look like:

• Help them move to a quieter or more comfortable place.
• Make sure people nearby speak kindly. Even if your child isn’t talking, they may still understand what others say.
• Give them space and time to be alone.
• Be kind and patient. Don’t blame them for shutting down.

Some ways to prevent shutdowns include:

• Use visual supports like picture schedules, social stories or “first-then” charts to make things clear and predictable.
• Practice stress management skills like deep breathing or calming activities.
• Watch for warning signs such as your child talking less or pulling away and help them use calming tools before things get too overwhelming.

Autistic Burnout

Autistic kids can get very tired when they have to deal with a world that doesn’t always support their needs. They can feel overwhelmed when there are too many challenges, sudden changes, loud or bright places or social expectations. Sometimes, autistic kids try to mask, which means trying to act like non-autistic kids instead of being themselves. Masking can be very exhausting.

When the demands on a child get too much for them to handle, it can lead to autistic burnout. Burnout can look like more meltdowns, feeling very tired, not wanting to talk or play, getting upset easily or forgetting skills they already learned.

Here are some ways to help your child who is experiencing burnout, as well as preventing burnout:

• Plan ahead for changes. Use tools like visual schedules, social stories or “first/then” boards to help your child know what will happen.
• Use sensory tools. Headphones, sunglasses or weighted vests can help your child feel calmer when things are loud or busy.
• Let your child be themselves. Don’t expect them to always act like other kids. Encourage them to unmask.
• Keep routines predictable. Following a routine can make your child feel safer and less stressed.
• Give time to relax. Let your child have quiet time or play with favorite toys and activities to recharge.

For more information, you can read this article: Autistic burnout: When navigating a neurotypical world becomes too much. Even though it’s written by and for autistic adults, much of the information can also help autistic kids and teens.