Positive Discipline Programs

When you start a positive discipline program at home, your child’s problem behavior may get worse. Your child is resisting the control established by you. This is normal and may even mean the program is working.

This increase in problem behavior should only last 1 to 2 weeks, and then you should start seeing steady improvement. If you don’t see improvement right away, don’t panic and don’t give up on the program. However, if you don’t see improvement at the end of 2 weeks, please call us, and we will make changes in your child’s discipline program.

It can be frustrating when your child has made steady improvement for several weeks, and then suddenly they display the problem behavior. This is common and is called spontaneous recovery. This is usually temporary. It is likely that your child is testing the rules you set several weeks before.

It is important that you continue the discipline program. The more consistent you are, the sooner you will start seeing improvements. Don’t give up on your program!

At first, your child may be excited about your program and will want to do their best. After a few days or weeks, your child may start to lose interest, and the problem behavior may come back. This usually means that the rewards are no longer motivating your child to behave appropriately.

We recommend that you and your child pick new rewards at least once per week. It may be helpful to create a reward “menu” with your child. The reward menu should include a written list or pictures of rewards that your child may earn. You can help come up with the possible items or activities on the rewards menu, but you must let your child choose the reward from the menu so that they stay interested in the program.

If you think your child has given their best effort but is still unable to earn the reward, you should reduce your requirements. It is important, especially in the beginning, for your child to earn the reward. After your child has been successful, you can slowly increase what you require for the reward.

Once you begin your discipline program, your child may show behaviors you have not seen before. Your child is resisting your program and may be trying to find a way to get around it. If possible, ignore the new behaviors. Usually, they are only temporary. If you cannot ignore them, include them as part of your program. You can handle them the same way as the other problem behaviors.

If these new behaviors are very extreme, call us right away, and we will make changes in your child’s program.

The positive discipline program may take a lot of time at first, but the long-term payoff is worth it. Right now, most of your energy may go toward trying to stop your child’s bad behavior. Your child will not automatically behave better by stopping the bad behavior. We suggest spending time now to also teach your child more appropriate ways to behave.

If the program is used consistently, it will take about 3 months to change a problem behavior for every month it has been taking place. The more consistently you use the program, the easier it should get.

• Be consistent. If your child obeys, provide the reward(s). If they do not obey, repeat your request only once and then use the recommended correction. Do not give the request if you are too tired or too busy to follow through. Wait until you can follow through before you make your request.
• Be positive. Even after a bad day (or 2!), tell your child each time they have done something right.
• Always communicate at calm times. It is important that you tell your child what is expected. Try to have discussions when both of you are calm. When your child is having problems, they may not be able or want to listen.
• Always emphasize what you want your child to do, not what you want them to stop doing. Children are active and need to be told what to do, so they can learn how to behave.
• Give your child choices. For example, you might say, “Pick up your toys, or help me with the dishes. You choose.” This gives the child some control and may increase their success with the program.