Practicing Effective Praise
Published
When you praise your child, your words can boost their confidence and self-esteem. Praise can also encourage a child and reinforce positive behavior.
The most effective praise is specific, timely and sincere. Think of it as ‘catching your child in the act’ of behaving well — and telling them so. You are reporting to them exactly what they did and how their actions reflect their positive qualities. And when praise is personal and specific, it strengthens your connection.
Below are some examples of what effective praise might sound like.
Praise for a young child could be: “I appreciate that you’re putting away your toys where they belong. It’s a big job, and you’re getting it done!” Or: “I’m noticing how you are sharing with your friends; that’s a kind and generous thing to do.”
For school-age kids, it might sound like: “I admire the effort you’re putting into this school assignment. You’re taking the time to be thorough and thoughtful.” Or: “I am so impressed with how you’re working through your music lesson; that takes a lot of patience and determination.” And praise can motivate a child to keep going even if they’re feeling discouraged: “I know you’d like more playing time this season, yet you always give 100% effort and you’re a positive, supportive teammate.”
Teens crave praise, too! Let them know how you feel. “I appreciate you being back home on time tonight without a reminder; it shows that you’re responsible and respectful.” Or: “I know it’s not always easy to sit through dinner without your phone, and I appreciate how you prioritize our family time.”
You’ll note that the examples above start with “I” rather than “you.” That’s because you’re sharing your own observation. Getting into this habit when you praise a child also helps to avoid vague ‘label’ praise such as “You’re so smart!” or “You’re so fast!” And it’s much more meaningful than automatic, empty praise such as “Great job!” Praise is best when it’s focused on a child’s effort and persistence, rather than the outcome. The most effective praise reinforces a child’s strong character and values. This is more helpful than an achievement-focused comment such as “You made the honor roll!” Your child won’t always achieve everything they attempt, but they can always feel proud of their diligence and dedication.
It’s satisfying to use this powerful parenting tool. You’re helping your child develop and strengthen the positive qualities that will benefit them their entire life.
Explore more articles on parenting.