Upstanders Can Help Stop Bullying

It takes effort and practice to become a quality human being, and parents and caregivers make the best coaches! We can help our kids become upstanders, rather than bystanders. Upstanders are people who stand up and take action to improve things; they do what they can to help those who need it. Bystanders, by contrast, simply stand by and watch when something is wrong.

Upstanders do their best to treat everyone with respect, kindness and compassion. They are confident enough to reach out in friendship to the new student in class, the shy kid on the school bus or the neighbor who’s just learning English. Upstanders naturally support and protect their peers — and in this way they can help reduce bullying at school and elsewhere.

As parents and caregivers, we can brainstorm and role-play with our young upstanders so they can practice how to respond when they see bullying, while staying safe themselves. When it happens, upstanders can tell the kid doing the bullying to stop. They can also support the child being bullied by asking them to leave the situation, then escorting them away. And of course, upstanders can alert an adult right away so the adult can intervene.

We can be sure our kids understand that in bullying situations, bystanders actually add to the problem by being an audience and giving those who bully the attention they crave. On the other hand, action-oriented upstanders can fix the problem, especially when they work as a team with other upstanders.

As parents and caregivers, we must also be familiar with the bullying prevention information being taught at school so we can reinforce it at home. (Public schools in Washington state must have anti-bullying policies and programs.) For example, your child’s school may provide students with numbers to call or text staff members if they see bullying going on. Be sure your child understands the anti-bullying systems at school so they can take action while also ensuring their own safety.

Keep in mind that upstanders are created at home within families, and their training starts at a very young age. We can praise our kids when we notice them being brave and assertive — and also when they are kind and empathetic. We can tell them how much we appreciate it when we see them protecting a sibling or a friend. Upstanders make the world better in all kinds of ways. And of course, parents are powerful role models. When kids consistently see their parents and other caregivers act with kindness and compassion — and stand up for others — that has a huge impact!

Read our related articles, Together, We Can Stop Bullying and What is Cyberbullying? Visit stopbullying.gov to learn more.