Preparing for the First Period
The start of menstruation is a momentous event in a girl's
life. Some girls greet those first drops of blood with joy or
relief, while others feel bewildered and scared. Whatever the
reaction, the arrival of the first period holds the same meaning
for every girl: It's proof that she's becoming a woman.
On average, most girls start their periods when they're 12
or 13 years old (although some begin earlier or later). But if you
wait until your daughter gets her period to talk to her about
menstruation, that's too late.
So, how do you discuss menstruation and offer education, as well
as guidance and support, before the big day even arrives? Or, what
do you tell your son? (Boys have questions, too.) Before you can
discuss menstruation, it's important to have a good
understanding of how the process works.
About Menstruation
In the early 1900s, girls generally reached menarche (the
medical term for the first period or the beginning of menstruation)
at age 14 or 15. For a variety of reasons, including better
nutrition, girls now usually start to menstruate between the ages
of 10 and 16. But menstruation isn't just about having a
period. It's a sign that a girl is physically capable of
becoming pregnant.
During the menstrual cycle, hormones are released from different
parts of the body to help control and prepare the body for
pregnancy. That preparation begins when the ovaries (two
oval-shaped organs that lie to the upper right and left of the
uterus, or womb) produce the hormones estrogen and progesterone.
These hormones trigger certain changes in the endometrium (the
lining of the uterus). Then, other hormones from the pituitary
gland stimulate the maturing and release of the egg, or ovum, from
the ovary.
The release of the egg is called ovulation, and it occurs in the
middle of the cycle - usually day 14 of a 28-day cycle, for
example. From the ovary, the egg moves into one of the fallopian
tubes (the two tubes that lead from the ovaries to the
uterus).
If the egg is fertilized by sperm, the fertilized egg will take
about 2 to 4 days to travel down the fallopian tube. It will
then attach to the thick, blood-rich lining of the uterus. If
it's not fertilized, the egg begins to fall apart, the estrogen
and progesterone levels drop, and the uterine lining breaks down
and is shed - this bleeding is what's known as a period.
A menstrual cycle lasts from the first day of one period to the
first day of the next. The typical cycle of an adult female is 28
days, although some are as short as 22 days and others are as long
as 45. Periods usually last about 5 days, although that can vary,
too. During a period, a woman passes about 2-4 tablespoons (30-59
milliliters) of menstrual fluid.
For the first few years after menstruation begins, cycles are
often irregular. They may be shorter (3 weeks) or longer (6 weeks),
or a young woman may have only three or four periods a year. The
absence of periods is called amenorrhea. A girl should see her
doctor if she hasn't started menstruating by age 15, or 3 years
after her first signs of puberty appeared.
So, how will you know when
your
daughter might start menstruating? You'll probably be able to
see physical changes that signal she's getting close to
starting. Breast development is usually the first sign that a girl
has entered puberty. It's usually followed by the growth of
some pubic hair.
About a year after breast development begins, most girls enter
into a phase of rapid growth. They'll get taller and curvier,
and their feet will grow. Then, about a year after the growth spurt
begins and about 2 and a half years after breast development
starts, the first period arrives.
Timing Is Everything
It's probably best to avoid "The Talk" about
menstruation. Instead, try to spread it out into lots of smaller
conversations - education about how the human body works should be
continuous. Otherwise, too much importance is placed on a single
discussion and the information can be overwhelming. Kids reaching
puberty should already know what's going to happen to their
bodies.
Even toddlers begin asking questions about their bodies, and
parents should answer them honestly. But how specific you are with
the details should depend on your child's maturity and ability
to understand.
Throughout childhood, kids ask many questions and each is an
opportunity for parents to advance their kids' knowledge. Doing
so not only gives kids the information they need when they ask for
it, but also lets them know that their parents are available for
and comfortable with these discussions.
But you shouldn't necessarily wait for their questions to
talk about puberty and menstruation. Ideally, by the time
they're close to puberty, both girls and boys should have full
knowledge of the changes that will take place in their bodies. Why?
Kids really want to learn about most things from their parents. And
you can be sure that they'll also hear their friends discuss
these changes.
By providing kids with good information, parents will know that
they're well-informed and able to sort out any misinformation.
Kids can often make certain aspects of puberty - menstruation,
especially - sound bad and scary; and if that's the only
information kids, then that's what they'll believe.
It's also important for parents to paint the process of
menstruation in a positive light. If a mother refers to her period
as "the curse," her daughter might get a negative
impression of the whole experience. Instead, mothers can explain
that monthly periods are a natural and wonderful part of being a
woman. After all, without them, women couldn't become
mothers.
Explaining that everyone is different is also key. For example,
your daughter may be concerned that her body is changing more
quickly - or more slowly - than her friends' bodies.
In addition to understanding how menstruation works, girls need
to be familiar with feminine-hygiene supplies (sanitary pads and
tampons) and they should know that sometimes periods may
cause cramps when the muscles of the uterus contract.
Another reason kids need to know about menstruation at an early
age is that sexually active girls can get
pregnant
even before they start menstruating. Sometimes ovulation (the
release of an egg from an ovary) can happen just before a girl is
about to have her first period. This means that she can be fertile
and become pregnant even though she hasn't yet menstruated.
Common Questions About Periods
Kids - both girls
and
boys - often have lots of questions about menstruation, such
as:
-
How come only girls have periods?
Explain that boys change in different ways during puberty, like
the deepening of their voices and the growth of facial hair.
Getting her period means a girl can have a baby. Periods happen
because of changes in the uterus - a body part that girls have
but boys do not.
-
Do girls have their periods for the rest of their
lives?
No, a woman stops having her period usually between the ages of
45 and 51, which means she will no longer be able to become
pregnant (at least without the help of some fancy reproductive
technology, that is!).
-
How long does a period last and how much blood is
there?
It varies for each girl, but some have their period for 3 days
and others have it for a week. Periods can be light, moderate, or
heavy, and there can be a total of 2-4 tablespoons (30-59
milliliters) of blood. And this can vary from period to period in
the same girl.
-
Are pads or tampons better?
In choosing between the two, what matters is a girl's
physical and emotional comfort. A tampon can be uncomfortable in
the years right after menstruation starts, when the pelvis and
vagina are still growing. Usually, girls are more comfortable
using pads at first, but they may want to start using tampons
when they get older (although they don't
need
to wait to use tampons until a certain age). Their friends may
have started using them, and the freedom tampons can give may be
appealing. Each box of tampons includes instructions, so be sure
to read them with your daughter.
Although the first few times using a tampon can be frustrating,
explain to your daughter that it will soon be easy with a little
practice. Because the muscles of the vagina can become tense when
a girl is nervous, it can be difficult to insert a tampon at
first. It's important to relax as much as possible. It's
a good idea to start with a slim tampon with an applicator
because they can be easier to insert. It can also help to first
try a tampon on a day with heavier flow, so that it is easier to
put in.
-
Do girls have to stop playing sports or swimming while
they have their periods?
Girls should understand they can do everything they normally
would do - as long as they're comfortable. For example, girls
may choose to wear a tampon so they can continue to swim
while menstruating.
-
What's
toxic shock syndrome (TSS)
?
TSS is a rare but serious bacterial infection that can
be associated with tampon use. Fortunately, TSS that is
associated with menstruation can almost always be prevented by
changing tampons regularly and by using the smallest absorbancy
needed (for example, "slender regular" instead of
"super plus"). A reasonable precaution is to change
tampons every 4 hours or more frequently if the blood flow is
heavy.
-
Do girls always have cramps with their periods?
Concern about cramps is a big issue for some girls. While most
girls eventually have some cramps, many do not for the first year
or two of getting their periods. It's important to tell girls
that cramps usually only last a few days. Sometimes, a hot water
bottle or a hot bath can help ease discomfort. Some find that
deep breathing and exercising help, too. If cramps become too
uncomfortable, your daughter might want to take an
over-the-counter (OTC) medicine like ibuprofen (such as Advil or
Motrin).
Having cramps for a day or two each month is common, but signs of
dysmenorrhea - severely painful menstruation that interferes with
a girl's ability to attend school or study or sleep - or
other
menstrual problems
should be discussed with your doctor.
-
What's PMS?
Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) includes physical and emotional
changes (mood swings and irritability, tension, bloating, and
breast tenderness) that can occur during the time right before
some girls get their periods. But girls usually don't develop
symptoms associated with PMS until several years after
menstruation starts - if ever. While not all girls experience
PMS, for those who do, plenty of rest, exercise, and eating a
balanced diet may help.
-
Do girls need to douche or use deodorant spray when they
have their periods?
No. In fact, douching can increase a girl's possibility of
infection by disrupting the normal balance of bacteria in the
vagina.
Tips for Talking
Just as parents might be slightly embarrassed to talk with their
children about menstruation, kids and teens may find it difficult
to let mom and dad know their questions or concerns. If talking
about menstruation is awkward for you, here are some ways
to make discussions a little easier and more open:
- Look for good books and videos or DVDs that can help
foster a more comfortable and educational conversation.
- Speak to your family doctor about ways to talk about
menstruation and puberty.
- Brush up on the facts of menstruation and have information
readily available for your child to look at or read.
- If there's a question that you don't know the answer to,
let your child know you will find out the information.
- Coordinate your conversations with the health lessons and sex
education your child receives in school. Ask your child's
teacher about his or her plans and for any advice.
- To break the ice, try asking your child some questions that
will help you both ease into discussions. Ask what kind of
questions he or she has while you walk down the feminine-hygiene
products aisle at your grocery store or while you watch a
commercial for pain relievers advertised to alleviate symptoms of
PMS.
- If you hear your child mention something related to getting a
period, spur a conversation by asking where the information came
from. Questions can be a great way to set the record straight on
any misconceptions kids might have.
- Before you take your preteen daughter for a routine checkup,
let her know that the doctor may ask if she's gotten her
period yet. You can then ask if she has any concerns or
questions about getting her first period.
It's important to tell kids the truth about menstruation in
an age-appropriate way and to be comfortable with the accuracy
of that information. Don't be put off by their questions
- they're probably the same questions you had at that age,
and now you can answer them.
Reviewed by:
Larissa Hirsch, MD
Date reviewed: October 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-2009 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. All rights reserved.