In a house with more than one kid, there are bound to be some
problems. Brothers and sisters borrow stuff, and don't always
return it in top condition. Younger kids sometimes feel like the
older kids get to do whatever they want. Older brothers and sisters
think that the baby of the family gets more attention. These are
typical problems found throughout the ages, everywhere in the
world.
When brothers and sisters don't get along, it's called
sibling rivalry (say:
sih
-bling
rye
-vul-ree). A sibling is a brother or sister and rivalry means
competition. It's normal, but too much competition can make for
an unhappy home life. Let's talk about getting along with
brothers and sisters. They're not so bad, are they?
What Is Sibling Rivalry?
A little competition isn't a bad thing. Sometimes it can
keep you working hard - like when you and your brother spend time
shooting hoops. If he's good at it, it may make you want to
improve, too. But some sibling rivalry involves arguing, like when
you think your brother is hogging the ball. People who love each
other might argue sometimes, but too much fighting is unpleasant
for everyone.
Have you ever heard of the green-eyed monster called jealousy?
Sometimes brothers and sisters are jealous of one another. For
instance, if your sister always does well at school, it may be
frustrating for you, especially if your grades are lower.
Although you're probably proud of your sibling or siblings,
it's normal to be a little jealous, too. It may make you feel
better to focus more on doing your own personal best, rather than
comparing yourself with a brother or sister.
All kids want attention from their parents, but sometimes you
need to take turns. If you're feeling ignored or like your
sibling is always in the spotlight, talk to your mom or dad. If a
parent knows you're feeling left out, together you can figure
out ways to help you feel better again.
Don't Lose Your Cool
Sometimes when you're jealous and frustrated, it's easy
to lose your temper. Try to follow these tips to avoid getting into
a fight with your brother or sister:
- Take a deep breath and think a bit. Try to figure out if you
are angry with the person or just frustrated with the
situation.
- Remind yourself that you have special talents. Your sister
may have won an art contest, but you might be better at
basketball, or math, or singing. Eight-year-old Marisa says her
brother "always wins running races, but I always get gold
stars for good homework grades and that makes me feel
better."
- Try to congratulate your siblings on their achievements and
share their happiness. If you do this for them, they'll be
more likely to do it for you.
Hopefully, these tips will work. But if the situation gets out
of control and you and your brother or sister start fighting a lot,
you may need to talk to someone. Mean words can lead to hitting and
physical fighting. If this is going on with you and your sibling,
talk to a parent or another trusted adult.
Future Friends
It may be hard to believe now, but your brother or sister may
turn out to be your best friend someday. Many brothers and sisters
fight and compete with each other while growing up but become very
close when they get older. As you grow up, your friends might
change, but your family is your family forever.
Reviewed by:
Kevin J. Took, MD
Date reviewed: November 2007
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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