Sooner or later, many families face the prospect of moving.
Disruptive as moving can be for parents, the experience can be even
more traumatic for kids, who may not be a part of the decision to
move and may not understand it.
Kids may need some time and special attention during the
transition. You can take steps to make the entire process less
stressful for everyone.
Making the Decision to Move
Many kids thrive on familiarity and routine. So as you consider
a move, weigh the benefits of that change against the comfort that
established surroundings, school, and social life give your
kids.
If your family has recently dealt with a major life change, such
as
divorce
or
death
, you may want to postpone a move, if possible, to give your child
time to adjust.
The decision to move may be out of your hands, perhaps due to a
job transfer or financial issues. Even if you're not happy
about the move, try to maintain a positive attitude about it.
During times of transition, a parent's moods and attitudes can
greatly affect kids, who may be looking for reassurance.
Discussing the Move With Kids
No matter what the circumstances, the most important way to
prepare kids to move is to talk about it.
Try to give your child as much information about the move as
soon as possible. Answer questions completely and truthfully, and
be receptive to both positive and negative reactions. Even if the
move means an improvement in family life, kids don't always
understand that and may be focused on the frightening aspects of
the change.
Involving kids in the planning as much as possible makes them
feel like participants in the house-hunting process or the search
for a new school. This can make the change feel less like it's
being forced on them.
If you're moving across town, try to take your child to
visit the new house (or see it being built) and explore the new
neighborhood.
For distant moves, provide as much information as you can about
the new home, city, and state (or country). Learn where kids can
participate in favorite activities. See if a relative, friend, or
even a real estate agent can take pictures of the new house and new
school for your child.
Moving With Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers
Kids younger than 6 may be the easiest to move, as they have a
limited capacity to understand the changes involved. Still, your
guidance is crucial.
Here are ways to ease the transition for young kids:
- Keep explanations clear and simple.
- Use a story to explain the move, or use toy trucks and
furniture to act it out.
- When you pack your toddler's toys in boxes, make sure to
explain that you aren't throwing them away.
- If your new home is nearby and vacant, go there to visit
before the move and take a few toys over each time.
- Hold off on getting rid of your child's old bedroom
furniture, which may provide a sense of comfort in the new house.
It might even be a good idea to arrange furniture in a similar
way in the new bedroom.
- Avoid making other big changes during the move, like toilet
training or advancing a toddler to a bed from a crib.
- Arrange for your toddler or preschooler to stay with a
babysitter on moving day.
Moving With School-Age Kids
Kids in elementary school may be relatively open to a move, but
still need serious consideration and help throughout the
transition.
There are two schools of thought about "the right time to
move." Some experts say that summer is the best time because
it avoids disrupting the school year. Others say that midyear is
better because a child can meet other kids right away.
To avoid glitches that would add stress, gather any information
the new school will need to process the transfer. That may include
the most recent report card or transcript, birth certificate, and
medical records.
Moving With Teens
It's common for teens to actively rebel against a move. Your
teen has probably invested considerable energy in a particular
social group and may be involved in a romantic relationship. A move
may mean that your teen will miss a long-awaited event, like a
prom.
It's particularly important to let teens know that you want
to hear their concerns and that you respect them. While blanket
assurances may sound dismissive, it's legitimate to suggest
that the move can serve as rehearsal for future changes, like
college or a new job. After the move, consider planning a visit
back to the old neighborhood, if it's feasible. Also, see if if
the teen can return for events like prom or homecoming.
If you're moving midway through a school year, you might
want to consider letting an older teen stay in the old location
with a friend or relative, if that's an option.
After Moving Day
After the move, try to get your child's room in order before
turning your attention to the rest of the house. Also, try to
maintain your regular schedule for meals and bedtime to give kids a
sense of familiarity.
When your child does start school, you may want to go along to
meet as many teachers as possible or to introduce your child to the
principal.
Set realistic expectations about the transition. Generally,
teachers expect new kids to feel somewhat comfortable in their
classes in about 6 weeks. Some kids need less time; others might
need more.
After the move, if you're still concerned about your
child's transition, a family therapist might provide some
helpful guidance.
A move can present many challenges, but good things also come
from this kind of change. Your family might grow closer and you may
learn more about each other by going through it together.
Reviewed by:
Jennifer Shroff Pendley, PhD
Date reviewed: October 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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