Rape is forced, unwanted sexual intercourse. Rape, sometimes
also called sexual assault, can happen to both men and women of any
age.
Rape is about power, not sex. A rapist uses actual force or
violence - or the threat of it - to take control over another human
being. Some rapists use drugs to take away a person's ability
to fight back. Rape is a crime, whether the person committing it is
a stranger, a date, an acquaintance, or a family member.
No matter how it happened, rape is frightening and traumatizing.
People who have been raped need care, comfort, and a way to
heal.
What Should I Do?
What's the right thing to do if you've been raped? Take
care of yourself in the best way
for you
. For some people, that means reporting the crime immediately and
fighting to see the rapist brought to justice. For others it means
seeking medical or emotional care without reporting the rape as a
crime. Every person is different.
There are three things that everyone who has been raped should
do, though:
- Know that the rape wasn't your fault.
- Seek medical care.
- Deal with your feelings.
It's Not Your Fault
Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault.
No one
has the right to have sex with you against your will. The blame for
a rape lies solely with the rapist.
Sometimes a rapist will try to exert even more power by making
the person who's been raped feel like it was actually his or
her fault. A rapist may say stuff like, "You asked for
it" or "You wanted it." This is just another way for
the rapist to take control. The truth is that what a person wears,
what a person says, or how a person acts is
never
a justification for rape.
Most people who are raped know their rapists. That can sometimes
lead the person who's been raped to try to protect the
perpetrator.
Make protecting yourself your priority.
Don't worry about protecting the person who raped you.
If you want to report the crime to the police, do so. Reporting
a rape may help protect others from that person - and may help you
feel a little less like you were a victim. But making a report to
the police may be difficult for some people. If you don't feel
comfortable reporting it, you don't have to. You may prefer to
get advice about what to do from an experienced adult who can be
sympathetic to you. Do whatever helps you to feel safe and heal
without blaming yourself.
Seek Medical Care
The first thing someone who has been raped needs to do is see a
medical doctor. Most medical centers and hospital emergency
departments have doctors and counselors who have been trained to
take care of someone who has been raped. It's important to get
medical care because a doctor will need to check you for
sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
and internal injuries.
Most areas have local rape hotlines listed in the phone book
that can give you advice about where to go for medical help. You
may want to have a friend or family member go along for support,
especially if you're feeling upset and unsafe. Some rape crisis
centers also provide advocates who can go along with you. You can
also call the national sexual assault hotline at (800)
656-HOPE.
If you are under 18 and don't want your parents to know
about the rape, ask the rape crisis center about the laws in your
area. Many jurisdictions treat rape exams confidentially, but some
will require that a parent or guardian be notified.
You should get medical attention right away
without
changing your clothes, showering, douching, or washing. It can be
hard not to clean up, of course - it's a natural human instinct
to wash away all traces of a sexual assault. But being examined
right away is the best way to ensure you get proper medical
treatment.
Immediate medical attention also helps when people decide to
report the crime, providing evidence needed to prosecute the rapist
if a criminal case is pursued. If you've been raped and think
you don't want to report it, you could change your mind later -
this often happens - and having the results of a medical exam can
help you do this. (There are laws, known as statutes of
limitations, that give a person only a certain amount of time to
pursue legal action for a crime, though, so be sure you know how
long you have to report the rape. A local rape crisis center can
advise you of the laws in your area.)
Even if you don't get examined right away, it doesn't
mean you can't get a checkup later. It's always best to see
a doctor immediately after a rape, of course. But a person can
still go to a doctor or local clinic to get checked out for STDs,
pregnancy, or injuries any time after being raped. In some cases,
doctors can even gather evidence several days after a rape has
occurred.
What Happens During the Medical Exam?
When you go to the hospital after a rape, a trained counselor or
social worker will listen while you talk about what happened.
Talking to a trained listener can help you begin to release some of
the emotions you are probably feeling so that you can start to feel
calm and safe again.
The counselor may also talk with you about the medical exam and
what it involves. Each state or jurisdiction has different
requirements, of course, but here are some of the things that may
happen during the medical exam:
- A medical professional will test you for STDs, including
HIV/AIDS. These tests may involve taking blood or saliva samples.
Although the thought of getting an STD after a rape is extremely
scary, the quicker a person finds out about any infection, the
more effectively he or she can be treated. Doctors can start you
on immediate treatment courses for STDs, including HIV/AIDS, that
will greatly increase your protection against developing these
diseases.
-
If you're female, a medical professional may treat you to
prevent an unwanted pregnancy, if you wish.
- A medical professional will examine you internally to check
for any injury that might have been caused by the rape.
- A medical professional or trained technician may look for and
take samples of the rapist's hair, skin, nails, or bodily
fluids from your clothes or body.
- If you think you've been given a rape drug, a doctor or
technician can test for this, too. Be aware that this
toxicology test
covers any and all illegal drugs.
At any time during the medical exam, you can say if you
don't want a certain test performed or evidence collected. All
procedures are being done to help
you
, so you have control over which procedures you'd like done, as
well as a say in any you
don't
want.
Dealing With Feelings
Rape isn't just physically damaging, it can be emotionally
traumatic as well. The right emotional attention, care, and support
can help a person begin the healing process and prevent lingering
problems later on.
Someone who has been raped might feel a lot of things: angry,
degraded, frightened, numb, or confused. It's also normal for
someone who has been raped to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Some
people withdraw from friends and family. Others don't want to
be alone. Some feel
depressed
,
anxious
, or nervous.
Sometimes the feelings surrounding rape may show up in physical
ways, such as trouble sleeping or eating. It may be hard to
concentrate in school or to participate in everyday activities.
Sometimes it may feel like you'll never get over the trauma of
the rape. Experts often refer to these emotions - and their
physical side effects - as
rape trauma syndrome
. The best way to work through them is with professional help.
It can be hard to think or talk about a frightening experience,
especially something as personal as rape. People who have been
raped sometimes avoid seeking help because they're afraid that
talking about it will bring back memories or feelings that are too
painful. But this can actually do more harm than good.
Talking about rape in a safe environment with the help and
support of a trained professional is the best way to ensure
long-term healing. Working through the pain sooner rather than
later can help reduce symptoms like nightmares and flashbacks. It
can also help people avoid potentially harmful behaviors and
emotions, like major depression or
self-injury
.
Every rape survivor works through his or her feelings
differently. Some people feel most comfortable talking one-on-one
with a therapist. Others find that joining a support group where
they can be with other survivors helps them to feel better, get
their power back, and move on with their lives. In a support group,
you can get help and support as well as give it. Your experiences
and ideas may help others heal.
Reviewed by:
Richard S. Kingsley, MD
Date reviewed: September 2007
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-2009 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. All rights reserved.