It's much smarter to talk about condoms
before
having sex, but that doesn't make it easy. Some people - even
those who are already having sex - are embarrassed by the topic of
condoms. But not talking about condoms affects a person's
safety. Using condoms properly every time is the best protection
against
sexually transmitted disease (STDs)
- even if you're using another form of birth control like the
Pill.
So how can you overcome your embarrassment about talking about
condoms? Well, for starters it can help to know what a condom looks
like, how it works, and what it's like to handle one. Buy a box
of condoms so you can familiarize yourself.
The next thing to get comfortable with is bringing up the topic
of condoms with a partner. Practice opening lines. If you think
your partner will object, work out your response ahead of time.
Here are some possibilities:
Your partner says: "It's uncomfortable."
You might answer this by suggesting a different brand or size.
Your partner says: "It puts me right out of the mood."
Say that having unsafe sex puts you right out of the mood.
Permanently.
Your partner says: "If we really love each other, we should
trust each other."
Say that it's because you love each other so much that you want
to be sure you're both safe.
Your partner says: "Are you nervous about catching
something?"
The natural response: "Sometimes people don't even know
when they have infections, so it's better to be safe."
Your partner says: "I won't enjoy sex if we
use a condom."
Say you can't enjoy sex unless it's safe.
Your partner says: "I don't know how to put it
on."
This one's easy: "Here, let me show you."
After you've familiarized yourself with condoms and
practiced your routine, you'll want to pick the right time to
bring up the subject with your partner. A good time to do this is
long before you're in a situation where you might need a
condom. When people are caught up in the heat of the moment, they
may find they're more likely to be pressured into doing
something they regret later.
Try bringing up the topic in a matter-of-fact way. You might
mention that you've bought some condoms and checked them out.
Offer to bring the unopened condoms along. Or suggest that your
partner buy his or her favorite brand (and then bring some of yours
with you, just to be on the safe side). Offer to try different
types of condoms to find which works best for both of you.
Make it clear that you won't have sex without a condom. If
someone threatens you or says they'd rather break up than wear
a condom, it's time for you to say good-bye. Tell the person
you won't have sex with someone who doesn't respect you or
themselves enough to use protection.
Here are some tips for using condoms:
- Check the expiration date (condoms can dry and crack if
they're old). Don't use a condom if it seems brittle or
sticky - throw it away and get another one.
- Choose condoms made of latex, which is thought to be more
effective in preventing STDs. (If one of you has an allergy
to latex, use polyurethane condoms instead.)
- If you use lubricants with condoms, always use water-based
ones. Shortening, lotion, petroleum jelly, or baby oil can break
down the condom.
- Open the condom packet with your hands, not your teeth, and
open it carefully so you don't tear the condom.
- Choose a condom with a reservoir tip to catch semen after
ejaculation. Lightly pinch the top of the condom and place it at
the top of your (or your partner's) penis. This gets rid of
trapped air, which can cause a condom to burst.
- Roll the condom down until it's completely rolled out -
if it's inside out, throw it away and start over with a new
condom.
- Remove the condom immediately after ejaculation, before the
penis softens. You or your partner should hold the condom at
the base of the penis (the part nearest the guy's body) while
he withdraws to prevent the condom from slipping off.
- Slide the condom off the penis, keeping the semen inside.
Since condoms can clog the toilet if they are flushed, tie it off
or put in a plastic bag (so it's not a health risk for
others) and throw it out.
These aren't the only tips on discussing and using condoms.
If you want more advice, talk to your friends, siblings, or
parents. Yes, parents. Not everyone feels comfortable talking about
sex with their parents, but lots of teens do. Parents often have
the best tips.
Health professionals are also great sources of advice on sex and
sexuality. A doctor or nurse practitioner or someone at a local
health or family planning clinic can offer you advice -
confidentially if necessary.
Of course, the only way to be 100% protected from pregnancy and
STDs is
abstinence
(not having sex). But if you do decide to have sex, using a condom
allows you to protect yourself.
Reviewed by:
Larissa Hirsch, MD
Date reviewed: February 2007
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-2009 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. All rights reserved.