What Is Date Rape?
When people think of rape, they might think of a stranger
jumping out of a shadowy place and sexually attacking someone. But
it's not only strangers who rape. In fact, about half of all
people who are raped know the person who attacked them. Girls and
women are most often raped, but guys also can be raped.
Most friendships, acquaintances, and dates never lead to
violence, of course. But, sadly, sometimes it happens. When forced
sex occurs between two people who already know each other, it is
known as date rape or acquaintance rape.
Even if the two people know each other well, and even if they
were intimate or had sex before, no one has the right to force a
sexual act on another person against his or her will.
Although it involves forced sex, rape is not about sex or
passion. Rape has nothing to do with love. Rape is an act of
aggression and violence.
You may hear some people say that those who have been raped were
somehow "asking for it" because of the clothes they wore
or the way they acted. That's wrong: The person who is raped is
not to blame. Rape is always the fault of the rapist. And
that's also the case when two people are dating - or even in an
intimate relationship. One person never owes the other person sex.
If sex is forced against someone's will, that's rape.
Healthy relationships involve respect - including respect for
the feelings of others. Someone who really cares about you will
respect your wishes and not force or pressure you to have sex.
Alcohol and Drugs
Alcohol is often involved in date rapes. Drinking can loosen
inhibitions, dull common sense, and - for some people - allow
aggressive tendencies to surface.
Drugs may also play a role. You may have heard about "date
rape" drugs like rohypnol ("roofies"),
gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB), and ketamine. Drugs like these can
easily be mixed in drinks to make a person black out and forget
things that happen. Both girls and guys who have been given these
drugs report feeling paralyzed, having blurred vision, and lack of
memory.
Mixing these drugs with alcohol is highly dangerous and can
kill.
Protecting Yourself
The best defense against date rape is to try to prevent it
whenever possible. Here are some things both girls and guys can
do:
- Avoid secluded places (this may even mean your room or your
partner's) until you trust your partner.
- Don't spend time alone with someone who makes you feel
uneasy or uncomfortable. This means following your instincts and
removing yourself from situations that you don't feel good
about.
- Stay sober and aware. If you're with someone you
don't know very well, be aware of what's going on around
you and try to stay in control. Also, be aware of your date's
ability to consent to sexual activity - you may become guilty of
committing rape if the other person is not in a condition to
respond or react.
- Know what you want. Be clear about what kind of relationship
you want with another person. If you are not sure, then ask the
other person to respect your feelings and to give you time.
Don't allow yourself to be subject to peer pressure or
encouraged to do something that you don't want to do.
- Go out with a group of friends and watch out for each
other.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help if you feel
threatened.
- Take self-defense courses. These can build confidence and
teach valuable physical techniques a person can use to get away
from an attacker.
Getting Help
Unfortunately, even if someone takes every precaution, date rape
can still happen. If you're raped, here are some things that
you can do:
- If you're injured, go straight to the emergency room -
most medical centers and hospital emergency departments have
doctors and counselors who have been trained to take care of
someone who has been raped.
- Call or find a friend, family member, or someone you feel
safe with and tell them what happened.
- If you want to report the rape, call the police right away.
Preserve all the physical evidence. Don't change clothes or
wash.
- Write down as much as you can remember about the event.
- If you aren't sure what to do, call a rape crisis center.
If you don't know the number, your local phone book will have
hotline numbers.
Don't be afraid to ask questions and get information.
You'll have lots of questions as you go through the process -
such as whether to report the rape, who to tell, and the kinds of
reactions you may get from others.
Rape
isn't just physically damaging - it can be emotionally
traumatic as well. It may be hard to think or talk about something
as personal as being raped by someone you know. But talking with a
trained rape crisis counselor or other mental health professional
can give you the right emotional attention, care, and support to
begin the healing process. Working things through can help prevent
lingering problems later on.
Reviewed by:
D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: February 2009
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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