Your algebra teacher wears clothes from 1985 and always
mispronounces your name. Your English teacher loves to start
classes with pop quizzes. It can be hard to think of these givers
of grades as real people. But they eat pizza, watch movies, and
enjoy sports on the weekends, just like you.
So how can you get along with your teachers? Here are some
tips.
Why Work on Good Relationships With Teachers?
A good relationship with a teacher today may help you in the
future. You will need teachers' written recommendations to
apply to a college or for a job after high school. And if
you're thinking about going into a career in science, who
better to ask about the field than your science teacher?
Teachers are often plugged into the community and may be the
first to find out about local competitions, activities, or
contests. They also may know about grants and scholarships.
Sonia's Spanish teacher found out about a contest for exchange
program scholarships in Brazil and Spain. Her teacher encouraged
and guided her, and Sonia's months and months of work earned
her a scholarship as an exchange student.
Teachers are often asked to appoint students to student offices
or they may recommend students as volunteers for special community
programs. All of these activities can help you get into college or
get a good job.
Teachers are another group of adults in your life who can look
out for you, guide you, and provide you with an adult perspective.
Many are willing to answer questions, offer advice, and help with
personal problems.
Developing Good Teacher-Student Relationships
We all have our favorite teachers - those who seem truly
interested and treat us as intelligent beings. But what about
teachers we don't know as well (or even don't like
much)?
You can do lots of things to get a good connection going with
your teacher. First, do the obvious stuff: show up for class on
time, with all assignments completed. Be alert, be respectful, and
ask questions.
Show an interest in the subject. Obviously, your teachers are
really interested in their subjects or they wouldn't have
decided to teach them! Showing the teacher that you care - even if
you're not a math whiz or fluent in French - sends the message
that you are a dedicated student.
You can also schedule a private conference during a
teacher's free period. Use this time to get extra help, ask
questions, inquire about a career in the subject, or talk about
your progress in class. You may be surprised to learn that your
teacher is a bit more relaxed one-on-one than when lecturing in
front of the whole class.
It is possible to try too hard, though. Here are some things to
avoid when trying to establish a relationship with your
teacher:
-
Not being sincere.
Teachers sense when your only motivation is to get special
treatment, a college reference, or a job recommendation.
-
Trying to be teacher's pet.
Your behavior will come off as phony and your classmates may
start to resent you.
-
Giving extravagant gifts.
It's OK to offer a small token of appreciation to teachers if
they've been helpful to you. But flashy, expensive items
could send the wrong message, and a teacher is usually not
allowed to accept anything expensive.
Common Teacher-Student Problems
If you're having problems with a teacher, try to figure out
why. Do you dislike the subject? Or do you like the subject but
just can't warm up to the teacher?
If you don't like the subject being taught, it can affect
your relationship with the teacher. Some students say it helps them
to think of classes that seem like chores as stepping stones toward
a bigger goal, like getting a diploma or going on to college. That
allows them to keep the class in perspective. Other students say
they try to find the practical value in classes they don't
like. You may hate math, but learning how to calculate averages and
percentages can help you in everything from sports to leaving a
tip.
If you find a subject hard, talk to your teacher or a parent
about extra tutoring. If you find it boring, talk to your teacher
(or another favorite teacher, friend, or parent) about ways to
see the subject in a different light. Ian constantly fell asleep in
his sophomore history class because the past seemed so removed from
reality. But things changed when he mentioned his struggle over a
project to his homeroom teacher. The teacher talked to Ian and
found out that his great-grandfather had fought in World War II.
The teacher suggested Ian use his great-grandfather's
letters in his project. Not only did Ian get an A, he also learned
a lot about a family member he barely remembered from
childhood.
What if you just don't like the teacher? When it comes to
working with teachers, personality can come into play just as it
can in any relationship. People naturally just get along better
with some people than with others - it's impossible to like
everyone all the time. Learning to work with people you don't
connect with easily is a good skill to have in life, no matter what
your goals are.
If you feel at odds with your teacher, pick your battles
carefully. Questioning a grade or asking to retake a test once is
fine. But second-guessing a teacher's judgment on your grades
all the time may annoy him or her. Constantly squabbling over a few
points on every assignment can cause friction in your
relationship.
Common courtesy and respect are basic requirements of any
relationship. Just as teachers need to be fair and treat everyone
equally, students have responsibilities too. You don't have to
like your teacher or agree with what he or she says, but it is
necessary to be polite. If you need to be out of school for medical
or other reasons, let your teacher know. And it's your
responsibility to make up the work from missed classes. Don't
expect your teacher to hunt you down or take class time to fill you
in.
Just like personal problems can sometimes slow you down, the
same is true for your teachers. Job stress, family issues, or
health problems are all factors that can affect a teacher's
performance, leaving him or her cranky, irritable, or unable to
concentrate.
Keep in mind that too much disciplinary action can show up on a
student's permanent record. This means that when someone asks
for your high school record, they can see the things you did - even
if they happened years ago.
What to Do if You Don't Get Along
Before you try to get out of a class to escape a teacher you
don't like, here are a few things you can try to make a
difficult relationship work:
- Meet with the teacher and try to communicate what you're
feeling. Tell him or her what's on your mind, using
statements such as, "It embarrasses me in class when I feel
like my intelligence is being put down" or "I can't
learn in class when I feel like only a few people ever get called
on to participate." See if you can work it out between the
two of you.
- Ask yourself, "What can I learn from this teacher?"
Even if you don't worship his or her personality or lectures,
dig deep until you find a subject in which your teacher is very
knowledgeable. Focus on that part of the teacher's
personality, and use it as a tool for learning. Not only will you
gain more knowledge in that subject, but a closer relationship
with your teacher may help you understand one another
better.
- Talk to students who are doing well in the class and ask them
for tips, tools, and a plan of action to get along with the
teacher better. Sometimes having a second set of notes can be
helpful, so asking a classmate who is willing to share them with
you is a great idea. If you're too shy to talk to other
students, study their actions and behavior in the classroom and
try to follow that lead.
- If you still can't get along, make an appointment with
the school guidance counselor, who can offer many tips and
suggestions for getting more out of difficult teacher
relationships. Sometimes a guidance counselor can act as a
mediator between you and the teacher.
- If your relationship problems can't be solved in school,
then it's time to tell your parents or guardians. Let them
meet with your teacher and try to work it out.
Chances are that you won't encounter physical or verbal
abuse (like racist or sexist comments) in the classroom. But if a
teacher has done or said anything that makes you uncomfortable,
immediately report it to your parents, your guidance counselor,
another teacher, the school principal, or an administrator.
Teachers are there for more than just homework, and they know
about more than just their subject matter. They can help you learn
how to function as an adult and a lifelong learner. Undoubtedly,
there will be a few teachers along the way who you'll always
remember - and who might change your life forever.
Reviewed by:
Eric J. Gabor, JD
Date reviewed: November 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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