School athletics can be helpful beyond just keeping you fit and
offering you something to put on your college applications.
It's possible to learn some great life skills through sports,
including the obvious ones of teamwork and dedication. And a good
relationship with your coach helps you get the most out of your
chosen sport.
What Your Coach Can Do for You
Obviously, you can draw on your coach's expertise to improve
how you play, how you psych yourself up before a game, or how you
deal with a big loss or setback. Not only have coaches dealt with
lots of players and seen which techniques work and which don't,
but many of them have played the sport themselves and can share
their personal experiences.
Your coach can also help you play your best and push your limits
without injury. Many coaches have completed courses in athletic
health care. They're trained in using injury prevention
measures, including warm-up activities or tapes, bandages, and
wraps. And they've been educated in assessing and ensuring a
player gets the best treatment for an injury if an accident does
happen.
Off the playing field, coaches can be good mentors and advisers,
offering an adult perspective on nonsports problems or questions.
(Many Olympic and professional athletes have had strong
relationships with their coaches outside the game.)
Relationships with your coach can be different from
relationships you have with your parents or teacher. Those
relationships follow a more established structure, whereas a coach
is usually closer to your level, working equally with you toward a
common goal. You might feel more comfortable opening up to your
coach about all sorts of things, from problems at home to
difficulties in school.
Tips for Getting Along With Your Coach
You need a good relationship with your coach if you're going
to put in those long hours and tough practices. The coach is the
one setting the schedule, and if you plan to drag yourself to swim
practice at 5:30 AM or do layups for 2 hours, you have to like the
person who's making you break a sweat. If you don't respect
your coach, you're more likely to resent all the hard work
instead of appreciating how it can help you in the long run. The
reverse is also true - it's tempting to promise all sorts of
stuff to a coach you respect and want to impress. But be realistic
in what you tell your coach you can do. Failing to follow through
will only erode the trust between you.
Ideally, a relationship between a coach and an athlete is based
on mutual respect and trust. You can make a good impression by
showing up for practice on time, abiding by team rules, and always
putting a lot of effort into your performance, whether it's a
workout or a game, meet, or match.
But to truly build respect, you have to do more than go through
the motions. Your coach's expertise and experience makes him or
her an authority figure within the sports setting. Even if you
sometimes don't agree with your coach's opinion, it can
help to recognize that he or she has a lot more experience than you
do. If you don't understand the reasons behind your coach's
directions, approach him or her about it. Communication is crucial
so both athlete and coach know what the other wants to achieve.
Figuring out how the coach manages the team will also help you
develop your relationship. Coaches can fall into two types: those
who run their teams based on obedience and those who rely on
responsibility.
Obedience coaches
basically say, "I'm the one in charge, and I'm going
to make the rules." This approach can work well in a team
setting as players know that their coach has the confidence and
experience to make a sure decision. To develop a good relationship
with this type of coach, you have to follow the rules and respect
his or her authority.
Responsibility coaches
allow the players to have more input in setting team policies, like
deciding which reasons for missing practice are valid or how to
reprimand someone who's always late. You should show respect
for this type of coach as well, but his or her approach to running
the team is not as rigid. (If you think a team rule is unfair, for
example, the coach might be open to revising it.)
Common Coach Problems
Unfortunately, not everyone enjoys a great relationship with
every coach they meet. Teens and their coaches often disagree about
the amount of time team members get to play or favoritism the coach
shows to certain players. Some athletes also complain that their
coaches are too bossy and take all the fun out of the sport.
But one of the easiest ways for a relationship with a coach to
go bad is for the coach to focus on winning instead of striving to
improve. When a team feels too much pressure to win, the athletes
can feel underappreciated, and that damages the trust between the
coach and the team.
If you feel apprehensive about approaching your coach for any
reason, try talking to the team captain about the problem that you
are having. The captain's job is to be there for any player who
needs help and feels that they can relate to someone closer to
their age or mindset. He or she will try to help you and the coach
find a compromise that you can both agree on.
What Should You Do If You Don't Get Along?
If you do get off to a bad start with your coach, you can take
steps to repair the damage. It's best not to involve your
parents in minor issues like how much playing time you're
getting. Instead, find a time to sit down with the coach and
discuss what's bothering you. Schedule a time when your coach
can focus on your issues (some time when he or she isn't
running practice or in the middle of a game).
When you talk, try not to complain. Instead, ask for help in
fixing the problem. Listen carefully to the coach's response
and try to understand where he or she is coming from; your coach
might not have realized he or she had been giving you less playing
time, or might not have known you wanted a bigger role on the team.
Your coach may not be aware of the issues going through your mind
as he or she has to account for all the players on the team. So it
can really help to speak up about stuff that's bothering you.
Usually, once you express yourself, the two of you will understand
each other better and can work on building a stronger relationship.
If the situation doesn't improve, though, you will have to
decide if you can live with the way the coach runs the team.
Unlike a simple disagreement over playing time, some situations
call for immediate action. If a coach is verbally abusing you or
driving you so hard that you're afraid you may injure yourself,
talk to your parents and set up a meeting with the coach's
supervisor. There's usually someone above your coach's
authority, like an athletic director or a principal.
Although at times it can be tough to get along with a coach, a
strong and fair coach can be a great asset to a team and the
individual player. The best coaches help athletes develop life
skills along with their sports skills, setting you up for better
opportunities in the future.
Updated and reviewed by:
Steve Sanders, PhD
Date reviewed: August 2007
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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