Ethan felt like there was no point going on with life. Things
had been tough since his mom died. His dad was working two jobs and
seemed frazzled and angry most of the time. Whenever he and Ethan
talked, it usually ended in yelling.
Ethan had just found out he'd failed a math test, and he was
afraid of how mad and disappointed his dad would be. In the past,
he always talked things over with his girlfriend - the only person
who seemed to understand. But they'd broken up the week before,
and now Ethan felt he had nowhere to turn.
Ethan knew where his dad kept his guns. But as he was unlocking
the cabinet, he heard his kid sister arriving home from school. He
didn't want Grace to be the person to find him, so he put the
gun back and went to watch TV with her instead. Later, when he
realized how close he'd come to ending his life, Ethan was
terrified. He summoned the courage to talk to his dad. After a long
conversation, he realized how much his dad cared. All he could
think of was how he'd almost thrown it all away.
Why Do Teens Try to Kill Themselves?
Most teens interviewed after making a suicide attempt say that
they did it because they were trying to escape from a situation
that seemed impossible to deal with or to get relief from really
bad thoughts or feelings. Like Ethan, they didn't want to die
as much as they wanted to escape from what was going on. And at
that particular moment dying seemed like the only way out.
Some people who end their lives or attempt suicide might be
trying to escape feelings of rejection, hurt, or loss. Others might
be angry, ashamed, or guilty about something. Some people may be
worried about disappointing friends or family members. And some may
feel unwanted, unloved, victimized, or like they're a burden to
others.
We all feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions or situations
sometimes. But most people get through it or can put their problems
in perspective and find a way to carry on with determination and
hope. So why does one person try suicide when another person in the
same tough situation does not? What makes some people more
resilient (better able to deal with life's setbacks and
difficulties) than others? What makes a person unable to see
another way out of a bad situation besides ending his or her
life?
The answer to those questions lies in the fact that most people
who commit suicide have depression.
Depression
Depression leads people to focus mostly on failures and
disappointments, to emphasize the negative side of their
situations, and to downplay their own capabilities or worth.
Someone with severe depression is unable to see the possibility of
a good outcome and may believe they will never be happy or things
will never go right for them again.
Depression affects a person's thoughts in such a way that
the person doesn't see when a problem can be overcome. It's
as if the depression puts a filter on the person's thinking
that distorts things. That's why depressed people don't
realize that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
in the same way that other people do. A teen with depression may
feel like there's no other way out of problems, no other escape
from emotional pain, or no other way to communicate their desperate
unhappiness.
Sometimes people who feel suicidal may not even realize they are
depressed. They are unaware that it is the depression - not the
situation - that's influencing them to see things in a
"there's no way out," "it will never get
better," "there's nothing I can do" kind of
way.
When depression lifts because a person gets the proper therapy
or treatment, the distorted thinking is cleared. The person can
find pleasure, energy, and hope again. But while someone is
seriously depressed, suicidal thinking is a real concern.
People with a condition called bipolar disorder are also more at
risk for suicide because their condition can cause them to go
through times when they are extremely depressed as well as times
when they have abnormally high or frantic energy (called mania or
manic). Both of these extreme phases of bipolar disorder affect and
distort a person's mood, outlook, and judgment. For people with
this condition, it can be a challenge to keep problems in
perspective and act with good judgment.
Substance Abuse
Teens with alcohol and drug problems are also more at risk for
suicidal thinking and behavior. Alcohol and some drugs have
depressive effects on the brain. Misuse of these substances can
bring on serious depression. That's especially true for some
teens who already have a tendency to depression because of their
biology, family history, or other life stressors.
The problem can be made worse because many people who are
depressed turn to alcohol or drugs as an escape. But they may not
realize that the depressive effects alcohol and drugs have on the
brain can actually intensify depression in the long run.
In addition to their depressive effects, alcohol and drugs alter
a person's judgment. They interfere with the ability to assess
risk, make good choices, and think of solutions to problems. Many
suicide attempts occur when a person is under the influence of
alcohol or drugs.
This doesn't mean that everyone who is depressed or who has
an alcohol or drug problem will try to kill themselves, of course.
But these conditions - especially both together - increase a
person's risk for suicide.
Suicide Is Not Always Planned
Sometimes a depressed person plans a suicide in advance. Many
times, though, suicide attempts happen impulsively, in a moment of
feeling desperately upset. A situation like a breakup, a big fight
with a parent, an unintended pregnancy, being outed by someone
else, or being victimized in any way can cause someone to feel
desperately upset. Often, a situation like this, on top of an
existing depression, acts like the final straw.
Some people who attempt suicide mean to die and some aren't
completely sure they want to die. For some, a suicide attempt is a
way to express deep emotional pain. They can't say how they
feel, so, for them, attempting suicide feels like the only way to
get their message across. Sadly, many people who really didn't
mean to kill themselves end up dead or critically ill.
Warning Signs
There are often signs that someone may be thinking about or
planning a suicide attempt. Here are some of them:
- talking about suicide or death in general
- talking about "going away"
- referring to things they "won't be needing,"
and giving away possessions
- talking about feeling hopeless or feeling guilty
- pulling away from friends or family and losing the desire to
go out
- having no desire to take part in favorite things or
activities
- having trouble concentrating or thinking clearly
- experiencing changes in eating or sleeping habits
- engaging in self-destructive behavior (drinking alcohol,
taking drugs, or cutting, for example)
What if This Is You?
If you have been thinking about suicide, get help now.
Depression is powerful. You can't wait and hope that your mood
might improve. When a person has been feeling down for a long time,
it's hard to step back and be objective.
Talk to someone you trust as soon as you can. If you can't
talk to a parent, talk to a coach, a relative, a school counselor,
a religious leader, or a teacher. Call a suicide crisis line (such
as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-999-9999) or your local emergency number
(911). These toll-free lines are staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a
week by trained professionals who can help you without ever knowing
your name or seeing your face. All calls are confidential - no one
you know will find out that you've called. They are there to
help you figure out how to work through tough situations.
What if It's Someone You Know?
It is always a good thing to start a conversation with someone
you think may be considering suicide. It allows you to get help for
the person, and just talking about it may help the person to feel
less alone and more cared about and understood.
Talking things through may also give the person an opportunity
to consider other solutions to problems. Most of the time, people
who are considering suicide are willing to talk if someone asks
them out of concern and care. Because people who are depressed are
not as able to see answers as well as others, it can help to have
someone work with them in coming up with at least one other way out
of a bad situation.
Even if a friend or classmate swears you to secrecy, you must
get help as soon as possible - your friend's life could depend
on it. Someone who is seriously thinking about suicide may have
sunk so deeply into an emotional hole that the person could be
unable to recognize that he or she needs help. Tell an adult you
trust as soon as possible.
If necessary, you can also call the toll-free number for a
suicide crisis line or a local emergency number (911). You can find
local suicide crisis or hotline numbers listed in your phone book.
These are confidential resources and the people at any of these
places are happy to talk to you to help you figure out what is best
to do.
Sometimes, teens who make a suicide attempt - or who die as a
result of suicide - seem to give no clue beforehand. This can leave
loved ones feeling not only grief stricken but guilty and wondering
if they missed something. It is important for family members and
friends of those who die by suicide to know that sometimes there is
no warning and they should not blame themselves.
When someone dies by suicide the people left behind can wrestle
with a terrible emotional pain. Teens who have had a recent loss or
crisis or who had a family member or classmate who committed
suicide may be especially vulnerable to suicidal thinking and
behavior themselves.
If you've been close to someone who has attempted or
committed suicide, it can help to talk with a therapist or
counselor - someone who is trained in dealing with this complex
issue. Or, you could join a group for survivors where you can share
your feelings and get the support of people who have been in the
same situation as you.
Coping With Problems
Being a teen is not easy. There are many new social, academic,
and personal pressures. And for teens who have additional problems
to deal with, such as living in violent or abusive environments,
life can feel even more difficult.
Some teens worry about sexuality and relationships, wondering if
their feelings and attractions are normal, or if they will be loved
and accepted. Others struggle with body image and eating problems;
trying to reach an impossible ideal leaves them feeling bad about
themselves. Some teens have learning problems or attention problems
that make it hard for them to succeed in school. They may feel
disappointed in themselves or feel they are a disappointment to
others.
These problems can be difficult and draining - and can lead to
depression if they go on too long without relief or support. We all
struggle with painful problems and events at times. How do people
get through it without becoming depressed? Part of it is staying
connected to family, friends, school, faith, and other support
networks. People are better able to deal with tough circumstances
when they have at least one person who believes in them, wants the
best for them, and in whom they can confide. People also cope
better when they keep in mind that most problems are temporary and
can be overcome.
When struggling with problems, it helps to:
- Tell someone you trust what's going on with you.
- Be around people who are caring and positive.
- Ask someone to help you figure out what to do about a problem
you're facing.
- Work with a therapist or counselor if problems are getting
you down and depressed - or if you don't have a strong
support network, or feel you can't cope.
Counselors and therapists can provide emotional support and can
help teens build their own coping skills for dealing with problems.
It can also help to join a support network for people who are going
through the same problems - for example, anorexia and body image
issues, living with an alcoholic family member, or sexuality and
sexual health concerns. These groups can help provide a caring
environment where you can talk through problems with people who
share your concerns.
Check out your phone book to find local support groups, or ask a
school counselor or a youth group leader to help you find what you
need.
Reviewed by:
Matthew K. Nock, PhD
Date reviewed: June 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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