It takes confidence to be a kid. Whether going to a new school
or stepping up to bat for the first time, kids face a lot of
uncharted territory.
Naturally, parents want to instill a can-do attitude in their
kids so that they'll bravely take on new challenges and, over
time, believe in themselves. While each child is a little
different, parents can follow some general guidelines to build
kids' confidence.
Self-confidence rises out of a sense of competence. In other
words, kids develop confidence not because parents tell them
they're great, but because of their achievements, big and
small. Sure, it's good to hear encouraging words from mom and
dad. But words of praise mean more when they refer to a child's
specific efforts or new abilities.
When kids achieve something, whether it's brushing their own
teeth or riding a bike, they get a sense of themselves as able and
capable, and tap into that high-octane fuel of confidence.
Building self-confidence can begin very early. When babies learn
to turn the pages of a book or toddlers learn to walk, they are
getting the idea "I can do it!" With each new skill and
milestone, kids can develop increasing confidence.
Parents can help by giving kids lots of opportunities to
practice and master their skills, letting kids make mistakes and
being there to boost their spirits so they keep trying. Respond
with interest and excitement when kids show off a new skill, and
reward them with praise when they achieve a goal or make a good
effort.
With plentiful opportunities, good instruction, and lots of
patience from parents, kids can master basic skills - like tying
their shoes and making the bed. Then, when other important
challenges present themselves, kids can approach them knowing that
they have already been successful in other areas.
Stay on the Sidelines
Of course, supervision is important to ensure that kids stay safe.
But to help them really learn a new skill, it's also important
not to hover. Give kids the opportunity to try something new, make
mistakes, and learn from them.
For instance, if your son wants to learn how to make a peanut
butter sandwich, demonstrate, set up the ingredients, and let him
give it a try. Will he make a bit of a mess? Almost certainly. But
don't swoop in the second some jelly hits the countertop. In
fact, avoid any criticism that could discourage him from trying
again. If you step in to finish the sandwich, your son will think,
"Oh well, I guess I can't make sandwiches."
But if you have patience for the mess and the time it takes to
learn, the payoff will be real. Someday soon he'll be able to
say, "I'm hungry for lunch, so I'm going to make my
own sandwich." You might even reply, "Great, can you make
me one, too?" What a clear sign of your faith in his
abilities!
Offer Encouragement and Praise
Sometimes, it won't be you swooping in when your child
falters, but your child giving up. Help by encouraging persistence
in the midst of frustration. By trying again, kids learn that
obstacles can be overcome.
Once kids reach a goal, you'll want to praise not only the
end result but also their willingness to stick with it. For
instance, after your son has mastered making that peanut butter
sandwich you might show your confidence by saying, "Next time,
want to learn how to crack an egg?" Sandwich-fixing and
egg-cracking might not seem like huge achievements, but they're
important steps in the right direction - toward your child's
independence.
Throughout childhood, parents have chances to prepare kids to
take care of themselves. Sure, it's great to feel needed, but
as kids steadily gain confidence and independence, their
relationship with you can be even richer. You can be bonded, not
just by dependence, but by love and shared pride in all they've
achieved. Eventually, your grown-up kids just might say thanks for
how prepared they feel for the road ahead - a road they can take
with confidence.
Reviewed by:
D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: January 2007
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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