Most kids generate a little chaos and disorganization.
Yours might flit from one thing to the next - forgetting books at
school, leaving towels on the floor, and failing to finish projects
once started. You'd like them to be more organized and to stay
focused on tasks, such as
homework
. Is it possible?
Yes, it is. A few kids seem naturally organized, but for the
rest, organization is a skill learned over time. With help and some
practice, kids can develop an effective approach to getting stuff
done. And you're the perfect person to teach your child, even
if you don't feel all that organized yourself!
Easy as 1-2-3
For kids, all tasks can be broken down into a 1-2-3 process.
-
Getting organized
means a kid gets where he or she needs to be and gathers the
supplies needed to complete the task.
-
Staying focused
means sticking with the task and learning to say "no"
to distractions.
-
Getting it done
means finishing up, checking your work, and putting on the
finishing touches, like remembering to put a homework paper in
the right folder and putting the folder inside the backpack so
it's ready for the next day.
Once kids know these steps - and how to apply them - they
can start tackling tasks more independently. That means homework,
chores, and other tasks will get done with increasing consistency
and efficiency. Of course, kids will still need parental help and
guidance, but you probably won't have to nag as much.
Not only is it practical to teach these skills, but knowing how
to get stuff done will help your child feel more competent and
effective. Kids feel self-confident and proud when they're able
to accomplish their tasks and responsibilities. They're also
sure to be pleased when they find they have some extra free time to
do what they'd like to do.
From Teeth Brushing to Book Reports
To get started, introduce the 1-2-3 method and help your
child practice it in daily life. Even something as simple as
brushing teeth requires this approach, so you might use this
example when introducing the concept:
-
Getting organized:
Go to the bathroom and get out your toothbrush and toothpaste.
Turn on the water.
-
Staying focused:
Dentists say to brush for 3 minutes, so that means keep brushing,
even if you hear a really good song on the radio or you remember
that you wanted to call your friend. Concentrate and remember
what the dentist told you about brushing away from your
gums.
-
Getting it done:
If you do steps 1 and 2, step 3 almost takes care of itself.
Hurray, your 3 minutes are up and your teeth are clean! Getting
it done means finishing up and putting on the finishing touches.
With teeth brushing, that would be stuff like turning off the
water, putting away the toothbrush and paste, and making sure
there's no toothpaste foam on your face!
With a more complex task, like completing a book report, the
steps would become more involved, but the basic elements remain the
same.
Here's how you might walk your child through the steps:
1. Getting Organized:
Explain that this step is all about
getting ready
. It's about figuring out what kids need to do and gathering
any necessary items.For instance: "So you have a book
report to write. What do you need to do to get started?" Help
your child make a list of things like: Choose a book. Make sure the
book is OK with the teacher. Write down the book and the
author's name. Check the book out of the library. Mark the due
date on a calendar.
Then help your child think of the supplies needed: The book,
some note cards, a pen for taking notes, the teacher's list of
questions to answer, and a report cover. Have your child gather the
supplies where the work will take place.
As the project progresses, show your child how to use the list
to check off what's already done and get ready for what's
next. Demonstrate how to add to the list, too. Coach your child to
think, "OK, I did these things. Now, what's next? Oh yeah,
start reading the book" and to add things to the list like
finish the book, read over my teacher's directions, start
writing the report.
2. Staying Focused:
Explain that this part is about
doing it
and sticking with the job. Tell kids this means doing what
you're supposed to do, following what's on the list, and
sticking with it.
It also means focusing when there's something else your
child would rather be doing - the hardest part of all! Help kids
learn how to handle and resist these inevitable temptations. While
working on the report, a competing idea might pop into your
child's head: "I feel like shooting some hoops now."
Teach kids to challenge that impulse by asking themselves "Is
that what I'm supposed to be doing?"
Explain that a tiny break to stretch a little and then get right
back to the task at hand is OK. Then kids can make a plan to shoot
hoops after the work is done. Let them know that staying focused is
tough sometimes, but it gets easier with practice.
3. Getting it Done:
Explain that this is the part when kids will be
finishing up
the job. Talk about things like copying work neatly and asking a
parent to read it over to help find any mistakes. Coach your child
to take those important final steps: putting his or her name on the
report, placing it in a report cover, putting the report in the
correct school folder, and putting the folder in the backpack so
it's ready to be turned in.
How to Start
Here are some tips on how to begin teaching the 1-2-3
process:
Introduce the Idea
Start the conversation by using the examples above and show your
child the kids' article
Organize, Focus, Get It Done
. Read it together and ask for reactions. Will it be easy or
hard? Is he or she already doing some of it? Is there something he
or she would like to get better at?
Go for Some Buy-In
Brainstorm about what might be easier or better if your
child was more organized and focused. Maybe homework would get
done faster, there would be more play time, and there would be less
nagging about chores. Then there's the added bonus of your
child feeling proud and you being proud, too.
Set Expectations
Be clear, in a kind way, that you expect your kids to work
on these skills and that you'll be there to help along the
way.
Make a Plan
Decide on one thing to focus on first. You can come up with
three things and let your child choose one. Or if homework or a
particular chore has been a problem, that's the natural place
to begin.
Get Comfortable in Your Role
For the best results, you'll want to be a low-key coach. You
can ask questions that will help kids get on track and stay there.
But use these questions to prompt their thought process about what
needs to be done. Praise progress, but don't go overboard. The
self-satisfaction kids will feel will be a more powerful motivator.
Also, be sure to ask your child's opinion of how things are
going so far.
Start Thinking in Questions
Though you might not realize it, every time you take on a task,
you ask yourself questions and then answer them with thoughts and
actions. If you want to unload groceries from the car, you ask
yourself:
- Q: Did I get them all out of the trunk?
A: No. I'll go get the rest.
- Q: Did I close the trunk?
A: Yes.
- Q: Where's the milk and ice cream? I need to put them
away first.
A: Done. Now, what's next?
Encourage kids to start seeing tasks as a series of questions
and answers. Suggest that they ask these questions out loud
and then answer them. These questions are the ones you hope will
eventually live inside a child's head. And with practice,
they'll learn to ask them without being prompted.
Work together to come up with questions that need to be asked so
the chosen task can be completed. You might even jot them down on
index cards. Start by asking the questions and having your child
answer. Later, transfer responsibility for the questions from you
to your child.
Things to Remember
It will take time to teach kids how to break down tasks into
steps. It also will take time for them to learn how to apply these
skills to what needs to be done. Sometimes, it will seem simpler
just to do it for them. It certainly would take less time. But the
trouble is that kids don't learn how to be independent and
successful if their parents swoop in every time a situation is
challenging or complex.
Here's why it's worth your time and effort:
- Kids learn new skills that they'll need - how to pour a
bowl of cereal, tie shoes, match clothes, complete a homework
assignment.
- They'll develop a sense of independence. The child who
dresses himself or herself today at age 4 feels like a big kid.
It's a good feeling that will deepen over time as they
learn to do even more without help. From these good
feelings, kids begin to form a belief about themselves. In
short, "I can do it."
- Your firm but kind expectations that your kids
should
start tackling certain jobs on their own send a strong message.
You reinforce their independence and encourage them to accept a
certain level of responsibility. Kids learn that others will set
expectations and that they can meet them.
- This kind of teaching can be a very loving gesture.
You're taking the time to show your child how to do something
- with interest, patience, love, kindness, and his or her best
interests at heart. This will make kids feel cared for and loved.
Think of it as filling up a child's toolbox with crucial
life tools.
Reviewed by:
D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: October 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-2009 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. All rights reserved.