If your daughter is pregnant and planning to have the baby, many
changes await your family. And though it's certainly not what
most parents expect, it happens every day: nearly 1 million teenage
girls in the United States give birth every year.
If your teen is about to become a mother (or your son has
fathered a child), it can be overwhelming for all of you. How can
you support your child through the challenges that lie ahead?
What You May Be Feeling
If you have just learned that your teen is having a baby,
you're probably experiencing a wide range of emotions, from
shock and disappointment to grief and worry about the future.
Some parents feel a sense of guilt, thinking that if only
they'd done more to protect their child this wouldn't have
happened. And although some parents are embarrassed by their
teen's pregnancy and worried about how family, friends, and
neighbors will react, others are happy about the news of a
soon-to-be grandchild - especially if the teen is older and in a
mature relationship.
Whatever feelings you're experiencing, this is likely to be
a difficult time for your family. The important thing is that your
teen needs you now more than ever. Being able to communicate with
each other - especially when emotions are running high - is
essential. Teens who carry a baby to term have special health
concerns, and your daughter will have a healthier pregnancy -
emotionally and physically - if she knows she doesn't have to
go it alone.
So what can you do as the parent of a teen having a baby?
Recognize your feelings and work through them so that you can
accept and support her. Does that mean you don't have the right
to feel disappointed and even angry? No. Such reactions are common.
You might have a strong flood of emotions to deal with, especially
at first. But the reality of the upcoming baby means that
you'll have to get beyond your initial feelings for the sake of
your daughter and her child.
If you need help coping with your feelings about the situation,
talk to someone you trust or seek professional counseling. A
neutral third party can be a great resource at a time like
this.
What Your Teen May Be Feeling
Just a short time ago your teen's biggest concerns might
have been hanging out with her friends and wondering what clothes
to wear. Now she's dealing with morning sickness and scheduling
prenatal visits. Her world has been turned upside down.
Most unmarried teens don't plan on becoming pregnant, and
they're often terrified when it happens. Many, particularly
younger teens, keep the news of their pregnancies secret because
they fear the anger and disappointment of their parents. Some might
even deny to themselves that they are pregnant - which makes it
even more important for parents to step in and find medical care
for their teen as early in the pregnancy as possible. Younger
teens' pregnancies, in particular, are considered high risk
because their bodies haven't finished growing and are not yet
fully mature.
Teen boys who are going to become fathers also need the
involvement of their parents. Although some boys may welcome the
chance to be involved with their children, others feel frightened
and guilty and may need to be encouraged to face their
responsibilities (the father is legally responsible for child
support in every state).
That doesn't mean, however, that you should pressure your
teen son or daughter into an unwanted marriage. Offer advice, but
remember that forcing your opinions on your teen or using threats
is likely to backfire in the long run. There's no "one
size fits all" solution here. Open communication between you
and your teen will help as you consider the future.
Special Concerns of Pregnant Teens
Even though most teen girls are biologically able to produce
healthy babies, whether they do often depends on whether they
receive adequate
medical care
- especially in those critical early months of pregnancy.
Teens who receive proper medical care and take care of
themselves are more likely to have healthy babies. Those who
don't receive medical care are at greater risk for:
- fetal death
- high blood pressure
- anemia
- labor and delivery complications (such as premature labor and
stillbirth)
- low birth-weight infant
The earlier your teen gets prenatal care, the better her chances
for a
healthy pregnancy
, so bring her to the doctor as soon as possible after finding out
she's pregnant. If you need help finding medical care, check
with social service groups in the community or at your child's
school.
Your teen's health care provider can tell her what to expect
during her pregnancy, how to take care of herself and her growing
baby, and how to prepare for life as a parent.
Some topics that will be addressed include:
Medical Care
At her first prenatal visit, your teen will probably be given a
full physical exam, including blood and urine tests. She'll be
screened for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and for exposure
to certain diseases, such as measles, mumps, and rubella.
Her health care provider also will discuss:
- how often prenatal visits should be scheduled
- what she may be feeling physically and emotionally
- what changes she can expect in her body
- how to deal with some of the uncomfortable side effects of
pregnancy, like nausea and vomiting
Knowing what to expect can help alleviate some of the fears your
teen may have about being pregnant. Her health care provider will
probably prescribe a daily prenatal vitamin to make sure she gets
enough folic acid, iron, and calcium. Folic acid is especially
important during the early weeks of pregnancy, when it plays a role
in the healthy development of the neural tube (the structure that
develops into the brain and spinal cord).
Lifestyle Changes
Your teen's health care provider will talk about the
lifestyle changes she'll have to make for the health of her
baby, including:
- not smoking (smoking while pregnant increases the risk of
miscarriage, stillbirth, low birth weight, and sudden infant
death syndrome)
- not drinking (alcohol causes mental and physical birth
defects)
- not using drugs (drugs are associated with pregnancy
complications and fetal death)
- avoiding excess caffeine (too much caffeine has been linked
to an increased risk of miscarriage)
- eating right
- getting enough rest
- avoiding risky sexual behaviors (such as having unsafe
sex)
If your teen smokes or uses alcohol or other drugs, her health
care provider can offer ways to help her quit.
Nutrition
Fast food, soft drinks, sweets - teen diets are notoriously
unbalanced.
Eating well
greatly increases your teen's chances of having a healthy baby,
so encourage her to maintain a well-balanced diet that includes
plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole-grain breads (use the
Food Guide Pyramid
as a guide).
Important nutrients include:
- proteins (lean meat, fish, poultry, egg whites, beans, peanut
butter, tofu)
- calcium (milk and other dairy products)
- iron (lean red meats, spinach, iron-fortified cereals)
- folic acid (green leafy vegetables, beans, peas, fortified
cereals)
Drinking plenty of water is essential, too.
Pregnancy is not the time for your teen to go on a diet. When
pregnant, some teens might be tempted to counter normal pregnancy
weight gain by cutting calories or exercising excessively - both of
which can seriously harm their babies. If you suspect that your
teen has an unhealthy preoccupation with her weight, talk to her
health care provider.
Exercise
If your teen was physically fit before getting pregnant and is
not experiencing any pregnancy complications, her health care
provider will probably encourage her to continue
exercising
.
Most women benefit from getting some exercise during pregnancy,
although they might have to modify their activity. Low-impact
exercises, such as walking and swimming, are best. Have your teen
discuss her exercise plans with her health care provider early
on.
Stress
Most teens enter parenthood unprepared for the stress a new baby
brings, and many experience frustration, resentment, and even anger
toward their newborns - which may explain why teen parents are at
higher risk for abusing and neglecting their babies.
You may want to talk with your teen's doctor to discuss ways
you can help her manage her stress levels so that she can better
cope with changes in her life. She also may want to spend some time
with other parents of newborns to get a better sense of what caring
for a baby involves.
Prenatal Classes
Your teen's health care provider will probably recommend
that she take
classes
on pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting. These classes (some of
which are held just for teens) can help prepare her for the
practical side of parenthood by teaching skills such as feeding,
diapering, child safety, and other basic baby care techniques.
Preparing for New Responsibilities
Many practical issues must be considered. Will your teen keep
the baby or consider adoption? If she keeps it, will she raise the
baby herself? Will she continue to go to school? Will the father be
involved in the baby's life? Who will be financially
responsible for the baby?
The answers to these questions often depend on the support your
teen receives. Some teens raise their child alone, some have the
involvement of the baby's father, and some rely on their
families for support.
As a parent, you need to think about your own level of
involvement and commitment and discuss it with your teen. How much
support - financial and otherwise - are you willing and able to
offer? Will your teen and her child live with you? Will you help
pay for food, clothing, doctor visits, and necessary items like a
car seat and stroller? Can you assist with child care while your
teen is at school and/or work? A social worker or counselor can
help you and your teen sort through some of these issues.
If at all possible, it's best for teens who are pregnant to
finish school so they can get better jobs and create a better life
for themselves and their babies. This is no easy task - 60% to 70%
of all pregnant teens drop out of school. And going back after
quitting is especially hard, so try to offer your teen the support
she needs to stay in school - both she and the baby will benefit.
Check for school and community programs that offer special services
for teen mothers, such as child care, rides, or tutoring.
Help your teen understand that as rewarding as having a child
is, it isn't always fun - caring for a baby is a huge
responsibility and a lifelong commitment. Prepare your teen for the
reality that she won't have as much time for the things she
used to do - that her life is about change and the baby will take
priority.
As a parent, you can have a great impact on your teen's life
and on her baby's. You may still wish that she had made
different choices. But by supporting your teen, making sure she
gets good prenatal care, and listening as she shares her fears and
anxieties, both of you may find that you're better parents in
the long run.
Reviewed by:
Krishna Wood White, MD, MPH
Date reviewed: September 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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