Your child does homework on time, helps you clear the table
after dinner, and even helps with housework on the weekends. So can
it be true that this same child is stealing?
Before you react, it helps to know a little about why kids steal
and where to get help.
Why Kids and Teens Steal
Kids of all ages - from preschoolers to teens - can be tempted
to steal for different reasons:
- Very young children sometimes take things they want without
understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to
take something without paying for it.
- School-age kids usually know they're not supposed to take
something without paying, but they might do so anyway because
they lack enough
self-control
.
- Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal,
but might steal for the thrill of it or because their friends do.
Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're
given more control over their lives, some teens steal as a way of
rebelling.
And other complex reasons can be factors. Kids might be angry or
want attention. Their behavior may reflect
stress
at home, school, or with friends. Some may steal as a cry for help
because of emotional or physical abuse they're enduring.
In other cases, kids and teens steal because they can't
afford to pay for what they need or want - for example, they may
steal to get popular name-brand items. In some cases, they may take
things to support
drug habits
.
Whatever the reason for stealing, parents need to find out the
root of the behavior and address other underlying problems, like
drug abuse, that may surface.
What Should I Do?
When a child has been caught stealing, a parent's reaction
should depend on whether it's the first time or there's a
pattern of stealing.
With very young children, parents need to help them understand
that stealing is wrong - that when you take something without
asking or paying for it, it hurts someone else. If a preschooler
takes a piece of candy, for instance, parents can help the child
return the item. If the child has already eaten the candy, parents
can take the child back to the store to apologize and pay for
it.
With school-age kids, too, it's important to return the
stolen item. By the first and second grades, kids should know
stealing is wrong. But they may need a better understanding of the
consequences.
Here's an example: If a child comes home with a friend's
bracelet and it's clear the child took it without the
friend's permission, the parent should talk to the child about
how it would feel if a friend took something without asking first.
The parent should encourage the child to call the friend to
apologize, explain what happened, and promise to return it.
When teens steal, it's recommended that parents follow
through with stricter consequences. For example, when a teen is
caught stealing, the parent can take the teen back to the store and
meet with the security department to explain and apologize for what
happened.
The embarrassment of facing up to what he or she did by having
to return a stolen item makes for an everlasting lesson on why
stealing is wrong.
Further
punishment
, particularly physical punishment, is unnecessary and could make
the child angry and more likely to engage in even worse
behavior.
If it's a first-time offense, some stores and businesses may
accept an apology and not necessarily press charges. However, some
stores press charges the first time around. And there's often
little sympathy for repeat offenders.
Kids of all ages need to know that shoplifting isn't just
about taking things from a store - it's taking money from the
people who run the businesses. Plus, shoplifting makes prices
higher for other customers. They should also know that stealing is
a crime and can lead to consequences far worse than being grounded,
including juvenile detention centers and even prison.
If stealing money from a parent, the child should be offered
options for paying back the money, like doing extra chores around
the house. It's important, however, that a parent not bait the
child by leaving out money in the hopes of catching the child in
the act. That could damage the sense of trust between a parent and
child.
If a Child Keeps Stealing
If your child has stolen on more than one occasion, consider
getting professional help. Repeat offenses may indicate a bigger
problem.
One third of juveniles who've been caught shoplifting say
it's difficult for them to quit. So, it's important to help
kids and teens understand why stealing is wrong and that they may
face serious consequences if they continue to steal.
Others who may be able to talk to you and/or your child about
the problem and help you address it include a:
- family therapist or counselor
- family doctor (who may be able to refer you to a family
therapist or counselor)
- minister, priest, or rabbi
- school counselor (especially if your child is stealing from
the school)
- support group, such as the National Association for
Shoplifting Prevention (NASP) or Cleptomaniacs and Shoplifters
Anonymous (CASA), which may be able to provide information or
help (look in your phone book for groups in your area)
Although most ordinary acts of theft or shoplifting are
deliberate, some people who steal may have kleptomania. With this
rare compulsive disorder, which makes up a very small portion of
all shoplifting cases, a person feels a sense of tension or anxiety
before the theft, then feels relief or gratification when
committing the theft. The person may feel guilt afterward and often
discard the objects after stealing them, and also might have other
compulsive disorders (such as an eating disorder or obsessive
compulsive disorder, OCD).
Whatever the underlying cause, if stealing is becoming a habit
with your child or teen, consider speaking with a doctor or
therapist to get to the cause of the behavior. It's also
important to routinely monitoring your child's behavior, keep
him or her away from situations in which stealing is a temptation,
and establish reasonable consequences for stealing if it does
occur.
Reviewed by:
W. Douglas Tynan, PhD, ABPP
Date reviewed: November 2008
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
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