America is the great "melting pot," a rich blend of
cultural traditions from all over the world. Many American families
can trace their histories to immigrant ancestors who traveled great
distances, enduring risk and hardship, to make a home where they
would be guaranteed basic freedoms. And for many American families
these freedoms came with a struggle. Their parents and grandparents
were deprived the basic rights we value.
American society was founded on freedom from religious
persecution and on tolerance of differences in beliefs and cultural
heritage. The differences (or diversity) that come from people from
all over the world enrich our culture, bringing new ideas and
energy.
Today, more than ever, kids interact with people of differing
ethnicities, religions, and cultures. Classrooms are increasingly
diverse, reflecting the communities where families live and
work.
A World of Difference
Some parents welcome the fact that we live in an increasingly
diverse society. Others may feel more hesitant, especially if they
have not had much exposure to people different from themselves.
Many kids are way ahead of their parents regarding exposure to
cultural differences. Their circle of friends, their schoolmates,
and their athletic teams are much more varied than those of even a
generation ago.
Still, parents should help their kids prepare to live, learn,
and work in communities that will become even more diverse.
Teaching tolerance is important not just because it is part of our
American heritage, but because the person who learns to be open to
differences will have more opportunities in education, business,
and many other aspects of life.
In short, your child's success depends on it. Success in
today's world - and tomorrow's - depends on being able to
understand, appreciate, and work with others.
About Tolerance
Tolerance refers to an attitude of openness and respect for the
differences that exist among people. Although originally used to
refer to ethnic and religious differences, the concepts of
diversity and tolerance can also be applied to gender, people with
physical and intellectual disabilities, and other differences,
too.
Tolerance means respecting and learning from others, valuing
differences, bridging cultural gaps, rejecting unfair stereotypes,
discovering common ground, and creating new bonds. Tolerance, in
many ways, is the opposite of prejudice.
But does tolerance mean that all behaviors have to be accepted?
No, of course not. Behaviors that disrespect or hurt others, like
being mean or
bullying
, or behaviors that break social rules, like lying or
stealing
, should not be tolerated. Tolerance is about accepting
people
for who they are - not about accepting bad behavior. Tolerance also
means treating others the way you would like to be treated.
How Tolerance Is Taught
Like all attitudes, tolerance is often taught in subtle ways.
Even before they can speak, children closely watch - and imitate -
their parents. Kids of all ages develop their own values, in great
part, by mirroring the values and attitudes of those they care
about.
Many parents live and work in diverse communities and have
friends who are different from themselves in some (or in many)
ways. Parents' attitudes about respecting others are often so
much a part of them that they rarely even think about it. They
teach those attitudes simply by being themselves and living their
values. Parents who demonstrate (or model) tolerance in their
everyday lives send a powerful message. As a result, their children
learn to appreciate differences, too.
Of course, celebrating differences of others doesn't mean
giving up your own heritage. Your family may have its own
long-standing cultural and religious traditions that are something
to be proud of. Families can find ways to celebrate differences of
others while continuing to honor and pass down their own cultural
heritage.
How Can Parents Teach Tolerance?
Parents can teach tolerance by example - and in other ways, too.
Talking together about tolerance and respect helps kids learn more
about the values you want them to have. Giving them opportunities
to play and work with others is important as well. This lets kids
learn firsthand that everyone has something to contribute and to
experience differences and similarities.
Things parents can do to help kids learn tolerance include:
- Notice your own attitudes. Parents who want to help their
kids value diversity can be sensitive to cultural stereotypes
they may have learned and make an effort to correct them.
Demonstrate an attitude of respect for others.
- Remember that kids are always listening. Be aware of the way
you talk about people who are different from yourself. Do not
make jokes that perpetuate stereotypes. Although some of these
may seem to be harmless fun, they can undo attitudes of tolerance
and respect.
- Select books, toys, music, art, and videos carefully. Keep in
mind the powerful effect the media and pop culture have on
shaping attitudes.
- Point out and
talk about
unfair stereotypes that may be portrayed in
media
.
- Answer kids' questions about differences honestly and
respectfully. This teaches that it is acceptable to notice and
discuss differences as long as it is done with respect.
- Acknowledge and respect differences within your own family.
Demonstrate acceptance of your children's differing
abilities, interests, and styles. Value the uniqueness of each
member of your family.
- Remember that tolerance does not mean tolerating unacceptable
behavior. It means that everyone deserves to be treated with
respect - and should treat others with respect as well.
- Help your children feel good about themselves. Kids who feel
badly about themselves often treat others badly. Kids with strong
self-esteem
value and respect themselves and are more likely to treat others
with respect, too. Help your child to feel accepted, respected,
and valued.
- Give kids opportunities to work and play with others who are
different from them. When choosing a school, day camp, or
child-care
facility for your child, find one with a diverse population.
- Learn together about holiday and religious celebrations that
are not part of your own tradition.
- Honor your family's traditions and teach them to your
kids - and to someone outside the family who wants to learn about
the diversity
you
have to offer.
When parents encourage a tolerant attitude in their children,
talk about their values, and model the behavior they would like to
see by treating others well, kids will follow in their
footsteps.
Reviewed by:
D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: December 2006
Note: All information is for educational purposes only. For specific medical advice,
diagnoses, and treatment, consult your doctor.
© 1995-2009 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. All rights reserved.